Thank You for Not Yelling: A Wake-Up Call for Youth Sports Parenting

We're all here to help our kids learn and have fun.

My daughter’s last soccer game ended just like any other, but something happened afterward that made me stop and think. As the young referee walked off the field, I made a point to thank him. He looked at me, and with a sincerity that caught me completely off guard, he said, “Thank you for not yelling at me.”

I was floored.

I’ve been out of the youth sports scene for a while, my older kids quit when they were teenagers and I’ve been hearing a lot about the issue of sideline parents and the abuse that officials face. But hearing it firsthand, as a direct and immediate response to a simple “thank you,” made it real in a way the headlines never could.

 A New Perspective on the Sideline

Having a significant age gap between my children has given me a new perspective. When my older kids played, I was a younger mom, full of a different kind of energy and passion on the sidelines. Now, with more patience and a little more perspective, I'm grateful for a second chance to get it right.

This experience with the young ref wasn't just about him; it was a wake-up call about the bigger picture. We’ve become so accustomed to treating officials, people who are often just teenagers or young adults, with a level of disrespect that we would never tolerate in other parts of our lives. When you thank a barista for your coffee, they don’t say, “Thank you for not yelling at me.” When you leave a doctor’s office, they don’t thank you for your civility. Yet, on the sports field, this seems to be the norm.

The Unseen Cost of Bad Behavior

This issue isn’t just about bad manners; it has real consequences. Referees and umpires are quitting in record numbers. When we can no longer find enough officials, clubs may have to raise their prices to attract and retain them, making sports even more expensive. We, the parents, will ultimately bear the financial burden of our own collective behavior.

Making Sports Fun Again

If we want to preserve youth sports for our children, we need to change the culture from the ground up. This starts with us, the parents. It means remembering that officials, coaches, and even our children are human beings who deserve respect, regardless of the score or a bad call. It means creating an environment where a young ref doesn’t feel the need to thank you for simply being polite.

Let's commit to a simple idea: that our kids’ games are for them, not for us. Let's make the priority a great experience, not a perfect win. We can start by turning our thanks into a genuine show of appreciation and making sure that a young ref's next “thank you” is just for a simple, kind gesture, and not for the absence of abuse.